Self-Control

The Tenets of Taekwondo: Courtesy, Integrity, Perseverance, Self-Control, Indomitable Spirit. Over the past month, I've written about all of them, except the one I struggle with the most...Self-Control.

I can resist anything...except temptation. And Chocolate. And peanut butter cups. And good beer. And really good single-malt scotch. And pizza. And a nice juicy steak. Did I mention chocolate?

Since the start of Lent, I've really been working on this self-control. Really, for me, it's been more about self-discipline. Re-training my body (and brain) to eat better, not eat junk, break old habits that were keeping me overweight and unhealthy. And, as I've reported, that's been going pretty well. Like any modification of habits, it's a process, not an event.

But that's just ONE area of my life where I need to exercise better self-control. I noticed myself getting really bent out of shape yesterday while driving home from work. Those that know me well know that I can get along with just about anyone. But when I'm in a hurry, and traffic seems to be bent on making sure I don't get to where I'm supposed to be...can anyone else relate to frantically looking for the button marked Laser Cannon on the dashboard of the car? Where did all of these incompetent, unsafe, moronic drivers COME from? Who lets them out into an unsuspecting public unsupervised, AND is foolish enough to give them a license to sit behind the wheel of a motor vehicle? PLUS they have the audacity to be on MY highway, getting in MY way, when I need to be somewhere RIGHT NOW.

I know I can have a temper. I've struggled with it most of my life. I think I developed it when I was in Jr. High as a defense mechanism against being bullied. I really don't know or remember. when, how or why, but having a temper that I could flip on like a light switch became a part of me.

Over the years, that temper (and the root-cause lack of self-control) was the catalyst for the majority of the poor decisions I've ever made in my life. Because for many years, I thought about it exactly the wrong way.

I thought that to improve my self-control, I had to have more and more control over me. I had to hold onto "me" harder and harder, so that I could control and govern my every waking thought and action. If I just worked at it hard enough, I'd be able to be the master of myself. I wouldn't lose my temper. I would be able to bend this independent will of mine to not crave certain foods, or not drink. I could squeeze the flame out of my temper so that I wouldn't get angry at people or circumstances, or that I wouldn't let unwholesome language come out of my mouth. To grow my Self-Control, I had to grab, wrestle, and dominate my "self".

It's only been in the past month or so that I've begun to really understand that Self-Control isn't about me at all. It's about getting outside of my self. It's about surrendering control, not struggling to hold onto and dominate it.

Try this logic on for size...I don't like my temper. I don't like it when I blow up at "stupid drivers". I don't like how I feel if I eat a whole pizza. I don't like how I feel if I drink too much wine. So how do I try to fix that? I tell myself I'm going to "do it better". I'm going to force myself. Except...my best thinking got me to where I'm at. So what makes me think that my best thinking, my way of doing things, my way of approaching the problem, my, me, I...all about "self".

How about asking for help? How about looking at the issue through fresh eyes? How about realizing how my actions or inactions affect those around me? How about getting OUTSIDE my self, outside of "me"?

Self-Control isn't about me focusing on me. It's about me focusing outside of me. It's about letting go of "me". Because that's what all those behaviors are really about...they are selfish behaviors. I blow up at the "stupid drivers", but in reality, it's me trying to cram a 30-minute commute into 20 minutes. It's not that the drivers are any more incompetent than usual, it's just that I didn't allow myself enough time. They have lives, they have schedules, they have families, they have dogs at home that really need to get let out soon.

But I get upset at "them", when I'm really upset at "me". Chocolate? Sure, it's ok to have some chocolate. But "why" am I wanting to gorge myself on a pound of chocolate? What's driving that? It's usually about "me". Something that is going on inside of me. If I get outside myself long enough to look at it, I can identify what the real issue is, and deal with that effectively. Not by eating a whole pizza. Or 6 peanut butter cups.

So, what I'm finding is that gaining more "Self-Control" is really about letting go of the control, and getting outside of my self. I am more happy, more contented.

Praying daily that God will help me to be Calm, Contented, Wise and Unafraid. Those things help me get outside of my "self", thereby gaining more "self-control". Yes, it's a journey. Progress, not perfection.

Thank you, God, that while I am still not the man I want to be, you have made me more than I was yesterday.

My two cents worth today.